11月8日下午CAS时间，上海宏润博源学校家长大讲堂又开讲啦！本次家长大讲堂邀请了家庭教育讲师，青少年性教育讲师和咨询师过圣芳女士给同学们带来主题为“青春期的友情与爱情”的分享。

The CAS time on the afternoon of Nov.8 saw a sharing session given by Ms. Guo Shengfang, an experienced lecturer and adviser in parenting education and adolescent sex education. Invited by SHBS Parents and School Association, she focused her lecture on the topic of young love.

青春期的同学们正处在生理和心理都急剧变化的阶段，比较容易冲动和情绪化，对人际关系尤其敏感，对异性，对性充满好奇，需要家庭和学校给予正确的教育与引导。宏润博源学校家校联合会非常重视同学们的青春期教育，此次邀请过圣芳老师给孩子们做分享也是我们系列引导和教育活动的一部分。

Adolescents are in a stage full of rapid physical and psychological changes, so it’s easy to for them to get rash and emotional. They are particularly sensitive to interpersonal relationships, and curious about the opposite sex and sex, so they need parents and school to give them appropriate instruction. The SHBS Parents and School Association attaches great importance to the sex education of teenagers. Actually, Ms Guo’s lecture was one in a series of educational activities organized by the association.

过老师的切入视角非常特别，一下子就吸引住同学们的注意力，并且非常容易与同学们产生共鸣：整场分享以一名高中女生的情感日记为主线，让同学们看到萌发好感，告白，恋爱到分手的整个过程，并在日记主人公情感发展的各个阶段，即面临不同的情感困惑时，引导同学们讨论，讲解心理学知识并给予同学们正确的观念和方法论上的指导。

Ms Guo's way of handling the topic was unique, so she immediately caught the attention of students and easily identified with them. The whole lecture centered on a high school girl’s love diary, showing the students the whole process of her young love, beginning with admiration and passion, followed by expressing her love to the boy, enjoying an intimate relationship, and ending with breakup. In addition,  in each stage of the girl ‘s emotional development, that is, when she faces different emotional challenges, Ms Guo instructed the students to discuss, explained psychological mechanism behind the thoughts, shared some proper perspectives to look at those challenges, and gave them methodological instructions.

过老师引导同学们去深入思考自己为什么会喜欢一个人，究竟是喜欢他的什么品质。当你开始喜欢一个人的时候，就会“情人眼里出西施”。或许你喜欢的只是你想象中的他，并不是真实的他。因此，在决定投入一段感情之前，也需要冷静地辨别。当你关注对方的时候，心理学中的“投射”效应，即“下意识地根据自己的需要，将一些特征转移到他人身上的现象”也会起作用，会影响你做出正确的认识和判断，因此需要我们去理性地认识和了解对方。

Ms. Guo led the students to think deeply about why they like a person, what quality of his they like.  When you begin to like someone, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Maybe what you like is just what you think of him, not who he really is.  Therefore, before deciding to commit to a relationship, it is also necessary to discern calmly.  When you focus on the other person, the "projection" effect in psychology, which is "the phenomenon of subconsciously transferring characteristics to others according to our own needs", also comes into play and affects your cognition and judgment. Thus, it requires us to rationally know and understand the other person.

过老师也引导同学们去讨论高中阶段恋爱和学习之间的对立关系。青春期的同学们对异性充满好奇，产生好感，想进一步发展亲密关系也是正常现象。有同学说，时间和精力有限，恋爱会影响学习；也有同学说恋爱可以促进彼此的学习。过老师提醒大家，恋爱和学习不冲突也是有前提的，即两个人都要有自制力，有长远的目标和近期规划，能够处理好时间问题，能够处理好情绪和情感问题（信任&沟通）。如果能够做到这些，或许这种关系会促进两个人的成长。如果不能处理好这种关系，确实会给学习带来负面的影响。

Ms. Guo also led students to discuss the contradictory relationship between intimate relationship and their academics in high school.  It's normal for teenagers to be curious about the opposite sex, develop a crush and want to develop close relationships.  Some students said that since their time and energy are limited, intimate relationship will affect their study; others said that falling in love can help motivate each other academically.  Ms. Guo reminded us that love and learning do not conflict each other on condition that the two lovers should have self-control, have long-term goals and short-term planning, can manage their time, can deal with emotional problems (trust and communication).  If they can handle these, their relationship may help the two grow up.  If you can't handle this relationship, well, it will really might have a negative effect on your study.

在聊到“表白被拒”这个话题时，过老师提醒同学们要展现出成熟，理智和风度；尊重对方的意思，不纠缠，处理好自己的情绪；对方不爱你，并不代表你不够好，只是恰好不合适；这些经历也都是帮助我们成长得更独立，自信和包容的契机。

When it comes to the topic of "being rejected when confessing one's love to him or her",  Ms. Guo reminded students to be mature, wise and elegant. We should respect each other's wills instead of pestering others, and cope with our own emotions. The fact that he or she doesn’t love you doesn't mean you are not good enough, but just means you two don’t match. These experiences offer us opportunities to be more independent, confident and tolerant. 

在探讨青少年在“亲密关系”中是否决定要再进一步的话题时，过老师提醒同学们青春期性行为可能会带来的一些危害，如意外怀孕，堕胎，性疾病传播等。此外，性行为也会给青少年带来巨大的心理变化。青少年暂时还不具备完全为自己和他人负责的能力，因此一定要把握好交往的边界。万一自己的理性没有控制住冲动，一定要做好保护措施。

While discussing whether teenagers decide to go further in their "intimate relationships," Guo reminded students of the possible dangers of adolescent sex, such as unwanted pregnancy, abortion and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.  In addition, sexual behavior can also bring about great psychological changes for teenagers.  Teenagers are not yet fully responsible for themselves and others, so they must set and keep the boundaries of their relationships.  Be sure to take protective measures in case the rational thoughts fail to hold back the impulses. 

对同学们的青春期教育和引导不是一蹴而就的，需要家校联合，持续地关注和引导。相信这次讲座会在同学们心中种下“注意正确交往边界”的种子。

The education and guidance on puberty cannot be accomplished overnight. Instead, they require the joint efforts of both parents and the school and rely on continuous attention and guidance from both sides.  We believe that this seminar will help students raise their awareness of “setting correct boundaries for relationships”. 

文 | Irene Ma

翻译 | Dawn Xu

排版 | Jang

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